It is important to understand how much your own happiness is linked to that of others. There is no individual happiness totally independent of others — Dalai Lama
- Do you and your partner rarely connect?
- Do you two get into conflict very quickly?
- Are your arguments repetitive?
- Has there been a decrease in sex?
- Do libidinal differences create problems?
- Has there been infidelity?
- Do you two feel less secure in the relationship?
- Are people, places, and things affecting the primacy with your partner?
- Do you two wish to have a stronger relationship?
If you answered yes to any question above, couple therapy may be beneficial. As you know, intimate relationships are the most challenging thing in life. We may be successful in other areas of our life, but relationships usually generate the most confusion and frustration. I know, I have been divorced.
We all have a deep desire to love and be loved and we yearn for meaningful human connection. So why are relationships so difficult?
Since we are social beings, we are wired to seek a secure connection. Problems arise in relationships when partners operate too much from a me-first orientation and not a relationship-first orientation. Generally, we have little awareness that we are doing so, as we are usually functioning within the template passed down from our early experiences.
PACT couple therapy helps you two move towards a relationship-first orientation. When this occurs, you derive more satisfaction and confidence from your relationship. You will have more resources for life as they will not be diverted assessing the availability and motives of your partner.
Marriage counseling and couple therapy address problems resulting from:
- Substance Abuse
- Lack of connection
Frame of Sessions
As stated on my home page, I operate within a frame of longer sessions. Since my sessions are 2-3 hours long — with the initial session being 3 hours — we are able to get a lot of work done and steam going in the beginning. The longer sessions are fun, and after the initial session, couples begin to have hope — if that has been missing in your relationship. Also, longer sessions usually facilitate a fewer frequency of sessions.
Subsequent sessions (after the initial session) are 2 hours, then going down to 1 hour for tune-ups.
Q: What do we do for 3 hours?
A: This is usually how the initial session goes:
- The first hour is introduction and background information. For example, ages, employment, kids, and a brief overview of your family of origin. Next, your story: how did you two meet? How long have you been together? Do you two live together? Are you two married? Proposal? How did you know he/she was the one? Then, the reason you are coming to therapy i.e. what’s up?
- The second hour or so, we start the personal attachment inventory (PAI). This is to help partners make sense of their upbringing and to help partners make sense of each other.
- The third hour or so, within this new light and insights of our attachment tendencies, we continue to address the what’s up within this new context.
In this PACT newsletter, I briefly share my personal experience with secure-functioning.
In this PACT blog post, I wrote on the importance of primacy for partners with blended families.
Here is a brief CNTV video on appreciation and avoiding projections.