Never get tired of doing little things for your partner. Sometimes, those little things occupy the biggest part of their heart. — John Gottman
Premarital counseling is a great investment for couples committing to doing “those little things” and big things, such as committing to spend the rest of your lives together. As a PACT therapist (Psychobiological Approach to Couple Therapy) my job, among others, is to help you two better understand each other. That is, how have developmental experiences shaped each partner and how does this shape the relationship.
If you two have agreed to a future marriage, you probably know a lot about each other’s personality, values, and hopefully what makes each other feel loved. However, below our personalities are nervous systems scanning for threats to connection and primacy to our partner. Thus, important questions for you to know:
- How do we respond to threat?
- How do we respond when stressed?
- What are our attitudes toward dependency?
- How do we manage separations and reunions?
These are some foundational questions that inform my work as a PACT couple therapist.
“Children need attunement to feel secure and to develop well, and throughout our lives we need attunement to feel close and connected.” — Daniel J. Siegel
Infants know that their survival depends on their connection and proximity to their mother. As we mature, our emotional well-being, self-esteem, and security depend on the strength of connection and commitment to our partner. Thus, building a relationship based on true mutuality and security is paramount for emotional health and even physical health. When a secure-functioning relationship is maintained, you two will be able to get in and out of conflict well, and ultimately reap the benefits and joy that come from a healthy relationship.
Contact me today to set up an appointment!